I’ve been having a cricket problem lately. I hate crickets. They look like jumping cockroaches to me. In fairness, I hate almost anything with more than 4 legs. I don’t mind some of the glorified bugs like butterflies and lightning bugs but absolutely hate flies and silverfish. Don’t even get me started on spiders. I will run to the opposite end of the house and cry my eyes out over a spider if he’s scary enough or startles me.

Other “pests” don’t bother me as much. I’ve become quite the bat wrangler the past two years. I’ve caught about 5 of them. They only freak me out when they make their chirpy noises. I spent half an hour trying to catch a bird a few months ago. The bats were so much easier. Down in Florida, I was showering when I had a little green frog flying at me. He was a slippery little mofo. I spent a good while stark naked and soaking wet chasing the little guy to get him back outside.

I have a love of animals. I want to kiss most of them. Some might try to bite my head off but I’ve definitely shared the love with dogs, cats, birds and even my hamster, Walnuts, may he rest in peace. I named him Walnuts because he had ginormous nuts. I’d really like to kiss a seal or walrus or something. I figure maybe they won’t press charges or bite me if I really find that special one.

I had an unexpected visitor in the house today. I named him Stuart. He walked out from behind the TV and startled me. I chased him around the room saying, “Come on out little guy! I’m not gonna hurt you!!” It’s probably something he’s heard before and surely sounds like something out of a horror film. I thought I caught him inside of my husband’s sweat pants but when I took him outside to release him, he was nowhere to be found. I hope my hubby doesn’t get a surprise later… So, I bought a humane mouse trap from Amazon for less than $6.00. Do mice even really like cheese? I’ve always seen mouse traps with dried up cheese. Peanut butter? Everyone likes peanut butter… Except for weirdos and allergy sufferers. Hope this sucker works before Phoebe cat decides to make friends with him. Fatty McFatterson is too busy sleeping the day away in my bed so I think he might have a chance.

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